only the leaves fall

I pride myself on being a strong character. Determined. Strong-willed. Intelligent. Analytical. Considerate. Honest. And the list goes on. But having to maintain those list of characteristics, is probably the reason why I’m insane. 

I have always feared, knocking one of the balls off, out of the juggle. Always calling things, before they even show possibility of failing. That also backfires, sometimes. 

I fear failure. I fear losing. I fear second-best. 

Why?

Because as far as I can remember, I have always failed, and that leads to losing, and that leads to, second-best. You get tossed out. You get left behind. You get the wrong side of the stick. You get laughed at. You get mocked. You get put in the deep hole, and it’s the hole they choose for you. 

So, I choose crazy