A headless lion 

Today proved itself to be an overwhelming one.  

Since summer has commenced for the oldest of my three, he’s been home with me all morning and all afternoon and then some. These past few days have been more than I can take with trying to get through the day with him. It seems that he’s found ‘bad behaviour’ to be a fun game. His attitude is sky rocketing, his listening skills has weakened even more, and ignoring his parents to be a habit. So you would believe, how difficult it is to get through the day with him alone. Then you sprinkle in the needs of the two girls somewhere between, my scolding Apollo to please listen and care to use his brain, to juggling the tears between the two girls for whatever it is they need/want. 

Today, I am exhausted.  Today, I can’t mom. Today, I am not as strong-willed. Today, I feel incapable to parent. Today, I feel like my everyday routine is too much. Today, I am at my last string of positive. 

J and I did not plan much for this summer, in terms of trips.  Why? Because there just isn’t room in the schedule with J’s work. So our trips won’t actually start till Winter. This means, the four of us (the three kids and me) are stuck at home, until J gets home from work. Windsor doesn’t offer much in terms of activities for children. In Toronto, you can get to the zoo, go to Canada’s Wonderland (theme park), head to a variety of park options, shops, malls, etc. So the kids and me are mostly home. In the next few weeks, Apollo is to spend two weeks at his grandparents. It luckily ties in with Apollo’s grandfather’s vacation time. So as expected, Apollo had thought up to spend time there and luckily his grandparents have approved the idea. 

Two weeks without Apollo is a break for me to mother two instead of three you’d think. But the separation anxiety has already kicked-in. Apollo is rarely away from home for any type of sleepover adventures. Perhaps we’ve chosen to raise him this way to understand the importance of learning what it means ‘to be home’. There isn’t really many opportunities for us to sleep away from home.  One, we’ve got two younger children and thats just a challenge on its own, and second, it’s not a necessity for us to be out and about constantly, requiring to stay at a variety of places. Apollo has taken trips around Ontario while he was very little, staying at hotels and resorts, but not as often enough for him to ‘miss home’. 

In terms of activities this summer, I figured day-camp would busy Apollo until school returns (day-camp will have to wait till august), with a side of investing in some type of mental work into a work book for grade 2’s we’ve found at Costco. He will afterall be a grade 2 pupil next September.  I’ve always invested in these work books since he began his academic journey. It helps with his intellectual phase, and allows him to stimulate his brain on the daily without letting it get too lazy, especially during summer breaks. It has immensely helped him, and the only negative is his boredom to continue doing them when the school year begins. In turn though, his frustration to finishing last during exercises at school, will be fixed since his mind should recall the same exercises from the books and push him to think faster.  It’s all important, as blah-blah-blah as it is to read through this paragraph. 

Trying to get him to invest time into these work books during summer is a complete battle I’ve purposely placed myself in. Simply because he’d rather be doing something more finger-worthy like YouTube, wii-u, etc. But I am his mother, and he is my child. It’s my responsibility to keep the teaching going for as long as he can choose to learn.  So this constant battle with doing work books, cuts into the focus I have for the two girls. It’s funny how you’re never truly 100% focus with each child, but rather cut into so many tiny pieces trying to tend to everything titled ‘for mom to do’. I’m a terrible mother. 

Arty is quite challenging these days, between constant eating, to stimulating activities, I’m super exhausted trying to keep up with her. Then there’s Cassi who rarely and barely needs too much but just to be fed, burped, changed, cradled to nap, and play until she tires out her legs.

Oh but the dishes’ stink call out to me, the food that’s managed to graced the floor instead of the tummies of their masters require sweeping before the middle one finds it to stash away for back-up snacks. The cooking and the feeding and the tidying up and the…There’s too much! 

My brain feels pretty fried at this moment. I’m certain today is one of those days I’ve most certainly had before, but I’m losing to because today I really just cannot lion. 

The girls are due for a nap. I’ve left Apollo to finish off the few pages I’ve assigned him. It has yet been ten minutes since I laid the girls in bed, and he’s already creaked my door open for nonsense inquiries. Ugh! Is it night time yet? Can I sleep this off yet, and start a new day tomorrow? 

P.s. the coffee didn’t work. It must the reason for this gloomy day. Rain is coming. 

xo, MM 

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