My Open Letter to Apollo

My Sweet Baby Boy,

I have been trying to find the words to tell you how sorry I am. Sorry for this season of your life that feels so sad, cloudy and unfair. Sorry that you have to shield your emotions from me, so that it wouldn’t contribute to more thoughts that linger in my head and overwhelms me with guilt. Sorry that you feel powerless through my illness. Sorry that you’re the sponge for my ever changing moods.

In the midst of all of this, I want you to know that while in these moments it feels otherwise, I LOVE YOU. I love you always, no matter how it seems. I want you to know that when it feels like im distant, my heart knows nothing than to love you from afar. I want you to know that in the midst of the chaos that effects you the most, I will always find you and save you, the best I can even if you don’t see it or notice it. I want you to know that in the moments when you tell me your heartaches, I am fighting with you through them. I am fighting for you! I am! I want you to know that it won’t be like this, forever. I want you to know that for every inch you drift, I am holding on with all my might! I want you to know that for every hard breath I take in the moments I feel so lost, that you are my reason. I want you to know that you give me strength. I want you to know that you are what saves me! Time and time again, you save me!

Though it feels less than it should, I love you so much! Always & Forever. I will always be here for you, no matter the season, reason, instances, or moments.

Love, Mom.
MM, out!