Mothering without a Mom

I had spent the last few days contemplating on writing about this. A topic I rarely find easy to share about. I didn’t want to time it where it was close to Mother’s Day and ruin it for anyone else.


 

“I know this may not be the same story for everyone but it is something I struggle with every Mother’s Day.”


 

As a child, I spent a lot of time with extended families who babysat me for my Dad. Aunts, friends, and neighbours. I spent much of my childhood having to move around and never really being in one place. I was raised by my aunt (my dad’s sister-in-law), from the age of three to nine. She did end up leaving to come to Canada when I was seven. Her oldest son who was left behind, his wife and their baby would end up taking over. It would be another two years before I would leave to Canada. I was nine years old.

 


 

What I have learned from studying in the field of education with children is that, the first six years of a child’s life is the most critical for parents to invest the time in. It’s so important for their development, and what that time contributes to who they’re becoming.


I remember as a child thinking my aunt was my mom. I fought for her attention, fought with my cousins that I was no different from them. I did things to gain her love. I wanted to be hers, and I wanted to be claimed, someones. When she left, I was devastated. Like a piece of my soul chipped at, for losing someone closest to a mom. I was so excited to see her again when I came to Canada, but her view of me would change. There would be a wall between us, that separated me from her. She had her own family, I wasn’t hers. I couldn’t have her. A few years down the line, that broken line would have her betray me. I trusted her, I thought she cared about me, and she would out me like a bad story. The part of me who loved her is now gone. It still makes me sad.

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Don’t go chasing something that was never meant to be yours.


 

I would later on try to build bonds with my dad’s women friends, the moms of my friends, and every other moms I would later on meet. The heartbreak it came with, was so overwhelming. To constantly fail at being someones. I tried so hard to be wanted. I just wanted what everyone had. I wanted that nurturing love, that love that’s there when your world is crumbling down, when your heart is hurting so bad, that love that comes so unconditionally because, YOU ARE HERS.


All my failures at finding HER in others, eventually made me feel numb. I stopped looking. I stopped wanting that. I stopped caring. It would eventually sit in the back burner where a ton of my experiences have been sitting and burning away.


JUST LET GO…

Here I am, a mother of three. The most wonderful accomplishment in my life. The chance I never got to have for me, but now I’m giving to my three beautiful children. Every mother’s day, my heart hurts. It hurts for what I can’t fully celebrate. A day I don’t really care for. But also a day that brings me so much pride. I am a Mother!


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Ryan Jon’s Mother’s Day Message

Wherever you are…

Time has passed. I’ve mourn your loss. I wonder at times, if you’re okay. If you’re still alive. If you ever thought of me. The most painful thing for me is being angry with you. It affects me at any given moment. I wonder how it would have been if you were here. Do I have siblings? I would love that. Did you ever come looking for me? Did I mean much to you, even after you left? If you could have the chance to see me now, would you? Why did you give me away? Why didn’t you fight for me? Why wasn’t I enough? Does your heart hurt the way mine does, because we share one. If you could see me now, would you be proud? You’re a grandmother to three beautiful babies. I am everything, you never was. Sure you struggled. Sure you were alone. Why did he leave you? Does he even know about me? I don’t know anything about this part of me. I wish you had left me with something. I wish you had fought harder. I wish that the time I lost, is a struggle you battle each and every day. I am broken, I am hurt. I needed you. I wanted you. I just needed you to look back. This is something I will forever carry in my heart. As time lapse, I hope for one thing only, to let go of you and stop the heartbreak.
— Happy Mother’s Day, from the daughter you never had.–”


HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL OF YOU!

To all the moms out there who grind each and every day for their little loved ones, to the ones who have lost theirs, to the ones who are trying to have just one, to the ones who had no choice but to give theirs up, to ones doing it all alone, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. You are most loved, no matter what!


Apollo, Artemis & Cassiopeia

“I’m not always the mom you want me to be. But I will always be the mom, you need. I won’t always do things right, I won’t always give you everything you want. But I will always be here by your side, to hold your hand through anything and everything. I will always love you from the depths of my soul. For all the moments you feel defeated, know I am always cheering you on. I will always help you get up again. I will do things you won’t always understand, but know that in everything I do..I do it because I love you. I hope nothing but for you guys to grow up to be kind people. To love one another through everything and be there for each other, always. I pray for you that your life be full and blessed. I pray that your heart achieves all the things you want in this world. Even when time has gone, remember always that Mom loves you forever.”

♥

MM, out!

  One thought on “Mothering without a Mom

  1. May 21, 2017 at 8:46 pm

    I can’t imagine how it must feel, to be so conflicted on Mother’s Day. I know as a mother I think often about how my mother raised me. I don’t know how I would do without those experiences to draw upon. Congratulations on three beautiful babies 🙂

    Like

  2. ohmummymia
    May 17, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    What a lovely and inspiring post😊 I dont know how you feel but I can imagine that life without a Mom need to be really hard

    Like

  3. Gaby B
    May 17, 2017 at 11:15 am

    Thank you for sharing your story, I just want to hug your 6 years old you and tell her that, she is going to be fine, and she will be an amaizing mom of three beautiful children with a lovely husband, and they are going to be yours and you are going to be theirs. You may never have the answers you need, and you will have the scars of your life experiences, but I know you have such a good heart, you are smart, funny, responsible and always fighting the injustices you find along the way. You are an amazing momma and I just wish for you to make peace with your storie because you deserve to live a happy life

    Like

  4. May 16, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    Happy belated Mother’s day! I’m so sorry for your loss and touched by your vulnerability and courage in sharing this story. Your children (with beautiful names!) are blessed to have you in their lives <3.

    Like

  5. May 16, 2017 at 5:23 pm

    I can’t even imagine how difficult it would have been for you. I’m sure you are giving all the love & care you can to your children.

    Like

  6. Kim
    May 16, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    Wow, this made me tear up.

    A great read for mother’s day, especially for those people who takes their mum (or dad) for granted.

    I admire you for being strong, and for raising 3 wonderful babies. I hope your mum would see where you are now, I’m sure she’ll be proud of you.

    Like

  7. Annmarie
    May 16, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    Thank you for sharing! You are amazing

    Like

  8. May 16, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Awe! This was such a sweet message. You are an amazing and strong women. Your children have such a great role model that they are lucky enough to call mom.

    Happy Mothers Day to you.

    Like

  9. caitcance
    May 16, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    Your resilience is very inspiring! Your children are lucky to have you.

    Like

  10. May 16, 2017 at 10:22 am

    This hit home for me. I was raised by my grandparents because my mom was never there due to mental illness. When I became a mom I wondered how I would do. My kids think I’m an amazing mom so I am thankful for overcoming obstacles. Thank you for opening up. It is hard on Mother’s Day for anyone who has lost a mom due to death or mental illness. It is hard to fill the void we arr missing. Thank you for acknowleding that there are those without moms and that it can be a sad day. I hope your kids treated you very well! Happy Mother’s Day!

    Like

  11. Franzine Mackley
    May 15, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    What a sweet message! Thanks for addressing those with all types of situations on this day!

    Like

  12. May 15, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    what a wonderful testimony like you I dealt with my mother being gone. Even when she was there she suffered from mental issues. I learned how to love with all those that I met and were around me I have raised my nephew from age 1 to 8 before his step mother took over. His real mother left early in life but did not take care of him when there. My grand-children I am co-parenting with my daughter who works to pay the bills. In exchange I care for them 5 out of 7 days but they do know their mother come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com

    Like

  13. slgamache
    May 15, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    They say we learn by example, but clearly in your case this isn’t true. You learned because you have a heart big enough to want too. I read your letter to your Mom and my heart aches for you. But knowing how much you love your children and how you strive to be the best Mom for them means you are a strong woman despite what you have experienced. Thank you for sharing this post in the All For Mamas Link Party Week 9 #allformamas and for completing all the steps 🙂 I will share this post on the Facebook Group page #All for Mamas Link Party, my page Blended Life Happy Wife, twitter, pinterest and google + Stephenie / Blended Life Happy Wife

    Like

  14. thehappyhomeacre
    May 15, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    What a great testimony of how you took the experiences you have gone through and used them to be the best mom you can. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  15. laceedoeslife
    May 15, 2017 at 1:23 pm

    What a beautiful and inspiring post! Mother’s Day can be hard for so many. You are beautiful and seem to be doing a great job!

    http://laceedoeslife.com

    Like

  16. May 15, 2017 at 11:20 am

    you are a wonderful mother and have a lot to be proud of!

    Like

  17. May 14, 2017 at 10:32 pm

    Happy Mothers Day ❤ You are everything you need to be. Letting go is the hardest thing, may you have the strength to come to terms with it now and for long term.

    Like

  18. sayheytokristen
    May 14, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing you story! You’re a wonderful, inspirational mother. Your children are so blessed to have you. Happy Mother’s Day!

    Like

  19. sayheytokristen
    May 14, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience ❤️ Not all who wander are lost, and it’s evident you’re not lost anymore. You’re a wonderful, inspirational mother. Happy Mother’s Day!

    Like

  20. May 14, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    Wow, honey. I teared up at this. I had a similar experience during childhood, always wishing I had a father figure. I can’t imagine life without my mom. For me having my own family has helped ease the pain and anger I had towards my father for leaving. Happy mother’s day, beautiful! 🙂

    Like

  21. May 14, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    Wow what a heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your story so openly. I’m so sorry you had that heartache when you were growing up, but now you can use that to love your babies more than ever. You sound like your a great mom!

    Like

  22. May 14, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    This was heart touching…I loved “To constantly fail at being someones.”
    I am so happy for you and your kids, Happy Mothers day 🙂

    Like

  23. May 14, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    this is such a beautiful testimony from a beautiful mother… Your story has really touched my heart and you are in my prayers…. Please find some spiritual guidance to help you through… much love and may ALLAH continue to bless you!

    Like

  24. madrediem
    May 14, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    This is such a beautiful and honest post. I can’t imagine what kind of heartbreak you dealt with having that rejection from your aunt and not feeling that you have “her”, but rest assured you are “her” for your children and that’s the most important thing. Happy Mother’s Day!

    Like

  25. May 14, 2017 at 3:27 pm

    The past is done with. There is nothing you can do to change that. But today and tomorrow – its yours! Yours to celebrate being a mom, yours to cherish being a mom, yours to honor being a mom and yours to be loved being a mom.
    You are incredible to have overcome what you have and to spread live and happiness around you now!
    Happy Mothers Day!

    Like

  26. younglovemommy
    May 14, 2017 at 8:10 am

    Wow! I’m sorry growing up you struggle so much with having s mother figure. Happy to know it didn’t stop you from being an amazing mama!!! Happy Mother’s Day! Your children are lucky to have you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  27. kayla8642
    May 14, 2017 at 7:01 am

    Happy Mother’s day to you! Your little ones are absolutely beautiful and you are amazing as well. I am glad that you decided to write this post! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  28. May 14, 2017 at 2:05 am

    Thank you for sharing ❤ It is so lovely that you are now able to be the mother you always wanted for your daughters 🌺 Happy Mother’s Day!

    Like

  29. mommyhomemanager
    May 13, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    I love “I will always be the mom you need” that is such an important thing to know.
    I can’t imagine growing up without a mother, but I’m glad that it can make you appreciate your relationship with your own children.
    Happy Mothers Day! ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 13, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Thank you so much! I feel like it’s more important to be the mom they need rather than what they want..the bond is stronger when you love them the way they need to be loved. Happy Mother’s Day 😙!!

      Like

  30. May 13, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    I am sure it was extremely tough and still is growing up without a mom. It is lovely though that you know what that missing piece is like and can fill that for your children and make sure they never feel the same. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. diandra969
    May 13, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    I very much relate to your story. Thank you for sharing and I wish a love filled Mothers Day!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. May 13, 2017 at 3:25 pm

    Your posts break my heart every time. You are so honest. And POWERFUL. Mother’s Day is depressing for me too, for different reasons, but I do understand. Try to make it a celebration of you! You are an amazing mama.

    Once upon a time I was a single mama with PTSD who made the choice to give up my child into someone else’s care. I did it differently…I’m still in his life, h knows I’m his mom…and I’m not saying this to justify yours because I agree that she should have done it differently too..but to help ease some of your pain..you know already how hard it is to be a mom with a mental illness. And that’s sometimes genetic so she may have had PPD too…being a single mom with a mental illness is even harder. When I put my son in my family’s care it was because I truly believed he would have a better life that way. It was an act of love. Maybe your moms was too? And maybe some desperation as well and that’s why she left in the way she did? I don’t know, but I do know it was NOT about you personally. That won’t fill the hole, believe me I know that, but sometimes it helps to hear from someone else: you are valuable. You are good enough. You belong.

    Happy Mother’s Day, to YOU Mama!

    Liked by 2 people

    • May 13, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      😢😢😢 Elizabeth!!!! Thank you so much for being so kind. I know that not every adoption is the same. Reasons..circumstances. I don’t doubt that some had no choice. That some did it for good reasons..i just wished I knew why and had something to keep to know she cared. Thank you for your honesty and friendship! 💞

      Like

  33. May 13, 2017 at 2:04 pm

    Wow, thanks for sharing with so much honesty. This is going to be a powerful read for many. x

    Liked by 1 person

  34. fitasamamabear33
    May 13, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Happy Mamas Day Beautiful. What a heart felt post! Snuggles your littles extra close xx

    Liked by 1 person

  35. justinefcross
    May 13, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day!! This is such an uplifting post. I also definitely need to remember that what’s happened is in the past… tough to do but worth it in the end! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  36. May 13, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Such a beautiful post, I’m sure your mother will be so proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. May 13, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Happy Mother’s Day to you! I lost my mom when I was was very young so I understand the sadness that tomorrow can bring. You’re a wonderful mom now and that’s a wonderful thing to think about!

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 13, 2017 at 12:52 pm

      Thank you so much Jenn. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure it still stings especially on occasions such as. I hope that your heart finds comfort when it needs it. I pray that you’re heart heals the wounds that saddens you. Thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

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